I have ptsd and depression. Together it's like a deadly cocktail if not treated. Mine barely is. I haven't had many attacks over the past couple of months, but the last two days have been an extreme trail. My mind is racing so bad I want to scream. There is no one for me to turn to but my doctor's. And trying to explain to my family how to help me cope is hard because it makes me think about it. In which that makes it worse. 


So now I'm at the point of closing everyone out again. I did that before and seemed to be coming out of it but over 24 hours ago it started and I have no one. Sitting here, alone with nothing but my cat and my computer. That is it. That is all. I hate these feelings. Never had to feel like this all ansy, anxious, wanting to do what my mind thinks I should but knowing I can't because I'm learning how to grow. I've never been a child before that is coming out learning how to handle alone time is a struggle. Having no one else to communicate with is becoming a horrible thing. Feeling left out, all alone. The thoughts that race. I didn't have to deal with this before because I wasn't allowed to and now it starts. 


At this moment, I feel like I'm losing it. A breakdown feels like it's happening. Don't get me wrong, I would never harm myself, I just feel like I've lost all control.